LO CIRCLE

Marith Iedema

  • WHO

    journalist & author

  • CONNECT

    @marithiedema
    www.marithiedema.nl

  • LO COLOUR

    LOLO

“WHEN I’LL BECOME MYSELF AGAIN, I’M GOING TO BE MILDER, MORE CONTENT WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE.”

March 8, 2023 by LO CARE

In celebration of International Women’s Day we’re talking to women that inspire us about their take on wellness and beauty.

Journalist and author Marith Iedema built a career around writing openly and honestly about sexuality and relationships. With a clever pen and endless exciting stories Marith garnered two best-selling books, a podcast, and a well-read column. Life was good. 

However, last year her life took an unexpected turn when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. In her weekly column she writes with an honest and brave take on dealing with the disease. Below she shares how her perspective on self-acceptance and beauty has evolved after what she’s been through. 

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned the past year?
I always wanted an exciting, grand and compelling life. Which I had, for years. But over the past year I’ve learned that true happiness comes from little things. And although I can’t do much yet, I’m truly enjoying what I can do. For instance, a short walk with my boyfriend and son, enjoying a coffee in the sun or cooking with a good podcast.
In a relatively short time we learned what we mean to each other, and came to realize that our love is truly unconditional. I’ve always been quite rational and never believed in the idea of unconditional love, but what we have comes very close. I find that very beautiful.
We discovered that we can do anything for each other, putting ourselves aside. At least he does it for me, but I also know that I could do that for him. That’s what we’ve learned. We have become stronger because of it.

How has your relationship with your own personal beauty changed over the years?
Through the past year I realized what is really important, even more than before. And looks aren’t it, my appearance is secondary. There are more important things.
But still, transforming into a cancer patient was very difficult for me. Losing my breasts, hair, eyelashes and eyebrows is of course peanuts compared to the chemo, operation, radiation and side effects from the medications. But it’s not exactly fun. I found it very painful. And, when I write about these physical changes in my column or post about it on Instagram, I often get messages like: ‘You’re alive, you should be happy’. Or, ‘What does it matter what you look like? What your breasts look like?’
In a way I get what they’re saying. But still. To me it matters. Which doesn’t mean I’m not grateful to be alive, nor that I don’t understand that there are more important things.
The past year I tried to make the best of it with beautiful hairpieces, cloths and hats. The more I look like myself, the less I feel like a patient.
I took my good skin, beautiful breasts, hair, eyelashes and eyebrows for granted. I always knew I was lucky. But I still found something to be dissatisfied with. And now, when I look at old photos, I think: you were perfect.
So yes, long story short, my relationship with my appearance has changed. When I’ll become myself again, bit by bit, I’m going to be milder, more content with everything I have.

Approximately 1 in 7 women in the Netherlands will develop breast cancer at some point in their lives. Of these women 80 % make a full recovery. Early detection of breast cancer is the most important factor.

What has your confidence journey been like?
I’ve always been very confident. I’ve done modeling where people told me all the time that I was too fat. But it never really made me insecure.
Last year was the first time I really became insecure about my appearance. I’ve gained weight. The tumor was surgically removed from my breast – then I had weeks of radiation. And, even though my doctors constantly tell me I’m lucky, that it could’ve been much worse, I still hate the way my chest looks. I don’t walk naked from the bathroom to the bedroom anymore. Maybe one day I’ll feel confident again, but for now the wounds are too fresh. Literally and figuratively.

How do you define beauty?
Beauty is so much more than just looks. One can be oh- so beautiful, but without charisma, without a nice character, it’s worth nothing. Cliche but true.

Has cancer changed your wellness habits or beauty routine?
Yes. My skin has changed due to chemotherapy. I recently tried my favourite ferulic serum on my face for the first time after the treatments. I’ve been a fan of the antioxidant benefits for years. Well, it was too soon, for days my face hurted. So for now I stick to a cream for dry skin, and nothing else.

Do you have any wellness habits that you constantly call upon?
Because of the medication I suffer from heart palpitations. In order to deal with that, I meditate. Which helps, as does yoga. In addition, I really like going to the sauna. I prefer to participate in all the infusions.
Also, when I have time in the morning I make my family vegetable juices.

What’s your biggest wellness tip?
Yoga. I didn’t want to try it for years because it seemed too spiritual to me. Surprisingly, it has brought me a lot: peace in my mind and body.